Second Drafts

Pulled Over & Waiting Here in Tornado Alley

So we're supposed to get major storms and other various and sundry severe weather this weekend, beginning mid-to-late afternoon today and throughout the evening tonight. Always one to completely underestimate the power of nature, I have been pacing around all morning trying to figure out how to speed things up and get there. I've thought about jumping in the old Delta 88 and driving around looking for one, or even standing out in the middle of my cul-de-sac with a sign reading "Do your worst!" directed at any apporaching mesocyclones.

In my brazen ignorance, I've subjected my family to a not-so-bad-B-movie called Tornado Valley (my personal tornado favorite, Twister, is not available for streaming) and an old NOVA documentary on the F5 that hit Moore in 1999. I've downloaded a couple of tornado alert apps on my phone and even thought about chanting some old high school cheers from back in the day (ironically, we were the "Tornadoes" at Griggsville High, but that's as close to seeing any as I've come).

For all you Okies out there, what do you do while you sit around and wait to get blown away? I'd like to start a list to get me through the rest of the day...after which you may never hear from me again. Ideas?

A Dispatch from January

I have over 150 "have-to-answer" emails in my inbox, so it would seem a good time to work on the blog. (I'll just think of this as a warm-up rather than a put-off. Note: If you're waiting on an email from me, it will come today). Some items of late to mark the days:

I just finished two books, both with a financial theme: The Price of Everything, a parable of economic emergent order, by Russell Roberts, and The Third Conversion, a "novelette" by R. Scott Rodin about fundraising as ministry and not just money. The first book is a very readable text that our seniors are reading in Economics; the second is a more semi-hokey series of conversations between a seasoned fundraiser and his up-and-coming protege.

While recovering from my first kidney stone surgery, I found myself with some time to actually watch a few things on Netflix via the iPad. I'd heard of Joss Whedon's Firefly series (only one season of 15 episodes, capped off for resolution by the movie, Serenity) and enjoyed this "space western" well enough. I also had time for a few Shakespeare films (Kenneth Branaugh's Henry V and Patrick Stewart in Macbeth were excellent), which were fun and novel to watch.

There's been a lot of "launching" going on this January. A week ago, City Pres got off the ground with our first official worship service (I helped serve the Lord's Supper) and our Tuesday night CityGroup started back up; this past week, we kicked off our Veritas capital campaign and website, which we hope will come to first fruition in early March; and I've  enjoyed getting back in the classroom twice a week teaching the second semester of our senior American History course (two very different but engaging texts: A Patriot's History of the United States by Larry Schwiekart and Michaell Allen and A People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn).

Other highlights so far this month: 70-degree weather, my four capitalist daughters selling three (and counting) enormous boxes worth of chocolate for their homeschool band program, Megan clearing off and cleaning my desk (she loves me), NFL football playoffs (which is really the only time I'm interested enough to watch), the daily newspaper in my driveway, cold milk on hand, and people who call me "friend".

Okay. Guess it's time to deal with email, to which I say (in my best British accent): "Do your worst!" Thanks for reading.

Trip the Light Fantastic (But Label It First?)

I saw this in a church this past weekend and was so amused (among other things) that I had to snap a picture.

What's the rationale here? Had someone at some point in the past mistaken this light switch for something else? Was someone a bit paranoid and afraid someone would in the future?

Now don't get me wrong: I like label-making as much as the next guy (or perhaps more accurately, girl), but I can't for the life of me come up with a justifiable reason for this one.

Let's just say that if one feels the need to literally label a light switch, metaphorically mustering the creativity to flip it is probably the least of one's concerns.

I suppose it's better than labeling people, but come on. We can do better, people.

Seinfeld on Cell Phones

I've been out of the cell phone world (or rather, cell phones have been out of mine) for six years and here are some reasons why.

For better or worse, however, I'm back in the market because of my new role starting in June, so if anyone has any helpful recommendations, comparison links, or best deal sites for me, send them my way.

In the meantime, I'll enjoy my last three weeks of non-cellular existence while constructing a portable phone booth similar to the one pictured here.

Random Schmada

Saw a sign in Barnes & Noble the other night for what must be a particularly interesting book genre: "New Teenage Paranormal Romance." Seriously?

My friend, Katie, sent me this link, as she knows what I think of shallow small groups.

Funniest thing my 12-year-old daughter has said in a while as to how she was feeling about a particular issue: "Well, Dad, I'm kind of half-and-half. You could pour me in coffee."

Funny (or sad) thing my 10-year-old daughter said after stepping up a level in her fiction reading: "I expected them to kill animals, not people. All my books have happy endings."

Deep thought (via Philosoraptor): "Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?" Still thinking on that one.

Hoping the temps in the seventies of last week come back next week when we're actually supposed to start playing spring baseball. Brrr.

That's all.

Ten Things

Ten things for my ten readers:

1. I'm back from my 40-day blogging hiatus. It was good. Hope you missed me.
2. I'm back on Facebook in an info-only capacity. I nuked my wall, but you can still message me.
3. I'm not really back on Twitter yet. I like it better than Facebook, but only if there's a purpose (and right now there isn't).
4. I'm clean-shaven. The beard looked okay, but I felt like I was hiding in plain sight.
5. I'm two pages away from finishing up a writing journal I started over six years ago. It was a big book, but it shouldn't have taken that long to fill it.
6. I'm still reading the Old Testament prophets and listening for the love of God for his people in his call to repentance. This was the section of the Bible that I started reading during my 40 days and I'm glad to still be listening.
7. I'm also still reading Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, but I'm only halfway through its 1,000 pages. When I need a break, I pick up one of six others I've started since the beginning of 2011.
8. I'm sick of snow days. Yes, you read that correctly. Bring on Spring.
9. I'm still very much in love with my wife and glad she'll kiss me again since I shaved.
10. I'm glad to be 40 and grateful to be alive.

More to come...

40

In 40 days, I turn 40 years old. While I don't have any mid-life crisis planned, I do want to mark the occasion of officially arriving at middle age (though I may have already passed the midpoint - according to the CIA World Factbook, the expected life expectancy for males in the United States is 75.78 years).

Towards that end, I'm shutting things down on Facebook, Twitter, and here on the blog during this time. I'm going to spend my extra time reading the Bible, praying, and writing about what God may have should he grant me another 40 years. I also hope to lose some weight, grow a beard, and pursue any other such end-of-thirties craziness I come up with (as you can see, the list is nearly on the verge of insanity as it is).

Growing older is not something I fear; actually, it's something I embrace. I've been thinking about this 40-day period for the past year-and-a-half, and it's nice that it's finally here.

So, until I'm older and wiser (and, by God's grace, gray-er), pray Psalm 27:8 for me:

"You have said, 'Seek my face.'
    My heart says to you,
        'Your face, LORD, do I seek.'"

Amen.

The Biggest Curriculum Film Stretch Contest

It's finals week, and let's be honest: teachers can only grade so much for so long before they start to get a little loopy. That said, here are the entries for a little contest my fellow colleagues and I created via email in between proctoring/grading exams (you'll notice the entries got shorter as the contest went one, presumably as tests were turned in).

THE CONTEST

In the spirit of having very little to do while kids are taking a test, I’d like to announce the first ever Biggest Curriculum Film Stretch Contest. The idea is to incorporate into your curriculum a movie that, let’s face it, has SOOOOO little to do with the topic at hand that it’s almost laughable, but there’s enough in common so that you could almost, almost make a rational argument to show it.

In other words, if you taught at a public school and had tenure and wanted to read a magazine for a week, what would you show?

I’ll start. When I was student teaching, I was asked to teach a sociology unit on aging. I had never had a sociology class. I knew nothing. I needed something to teach for the whole week. I showed Cocoon.

Beat that.

THE ENTRIES

History: In order to understand the tensions inherent in two competing superpowers leading us to the cold war, I give you...Top Gun.

English: In order to understand how to appropriately structure paragraphs and give students a reason for learning how to write, I believe it would be appropriate to show the entire first and second seasons of Murder She Wrote.

Chemistry: In order to understand the science of life, we shall embark upon an entire quarter viewing of Sex and the City.

Counseling: In order to understand multiple personality disorder in psychology, we would watch Me, Myself and Irene.

Math: For a unit on Consumer Math and Personal Finance, I would show Gossip Girl.

Physics: As an application of the mathematics behind physics, I would show the entire Battlestar Galactica series.

History: I would pick the following movies for my unit on Westward Expansion (because why make it a week when you can make it a whole semester?). In order to explain the development of railroads out west with immigrants I would show Shanghai Noon starring Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson. Have to deal with the mistreatment of Native Americans, so I would knock out Avatar and would also for sure show Pocahontas. Sticking with the Westward expansion theme, we finish it off with Wild Wild West.

Elective: All we’d do is watch Sesame Street - it has nothing to do with what I’m teaching, but it’s age appropriate and uses lot and LOTS of pictures. In the afternoon it would be Barney...if my kids aren't taking their afternoon naps already.

Western Civ: Regarding the insurrection in Iraq and Afghanistan and how to end it using teenagers with bows, arrows and .22 caliber rifles, we would watch Red Dawn.

Math: Concerning angles and vectors, we would watch Bend It Like Beckham.

Biology: Concerning stupidity and genetic disorders, we would also watch Bend It Like Beckham.

Western Civ: For a unit on what it would be like to drive across Kansas seven consecutive times, we would watch Ghandi.

Industrial Arts/Driver's Ed: BJ and the Bear.

Outdoor Education: Cliffhanger.

History: Concerning Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSS), Rambo I & II.

Life Skills: For education in tolerance and understanding how to be more culturally sensitive, we would watch The Smurf Movie.

Ethics: In order to understand the nuances of ethical casuistry in 1980’s rural Idaho, we will immerse ourselves in the world of Napoleon Dynamite, watching the film on Monday and Tuesday, using block day to study the film’s climactic “dance of redemption,” and then choreographing our own versions for an assembly performance on Friday. (Optional weekend event: awkward junior high-esque dance in overly-streamered gymnasium).

Staff Development: For professional development for summer seminar teachers, we would watch Meatballs.

Counseling: For a look at what happens when you fail all your classes, we would watch Summer School (starring Mark Harmon).

History: For greater understanding of the long-term effects of the Treaty of Versailles, we would watch Die Hard (ticked off Germans).

Physics: For greater understanding of velocity, gravity, and combustion, we would also watch Die Hard (ticked off criminals).

Life Skills: I’d do a unit on how broken father and son relationships can be healed by aliens invading earth, a la War of the Worlds.

What say you? Any you would add? Any you've sat through as a student? Feel free to add your own curriculum suggestions as part of the online version of our contest.

A Night in the Life

So I'm lying on the couch trying to finish up a lesson plan for tomorrow morning, when an email from one of my students drops into my inbox:

"Mr. Dunham, I was wondering if you knew where in the New Testament Paul talks about the church dealing with a man sleeping with his mother? Thank you."

Chuckling at the brief and bizarre nature of the request, I write back:

"A little random, but okay. 1 Corinthians 5:1-2 describes the offense."

The response:

"Thank you so much. I need it for an essay I am doing on Woody Allen."

Just a night in the life of your friendly neighborhood Bible teacher...

Veggies Gone Wild

Once again, Megan won free tickets ("Golden Circle seating," no less!) to yet another "live" show, this time a performance of the Veggie Tales Sing Yourself Silly Tour. For the entire night, we were bombarded with oversized vegetables singing silly songs. We also took part in a special "meet and greet" with Bob and Larry (or two imposters with actual arms and legs who looked like Bob and Larry) during which I was able to tell them how much I loved their work (or something).

Who says I don't have a life?

Half-Pint Conversations

Here are a few recent conversations with my four daughters for your amusement:

UPSTAIRS

11-year-old: Dad, have you seen my shoes?

Me: You lost your shoes again? I'm going to staple your shoes to your feet.

11-year-old: Cool!

Me: (sighs)

LIVING ROOM

Me: Which episode of Alfred Hitchcock are we ready to watch?

10-year-old: We last watched "The Two Sisters."

6-year-old: No we didn't.

10-year-old: Yes we did. That was the one in which the woman killed her father with the ax, remember?

6-year-old: Oh yeah.

Me: (cringes)

BATHROOM

Me: Girls, when you close the shower curtain, you have to make sure you pull it all the way to the wall like this. (demonstrates by pulling top curtain corner)

8-year-old: But, Dad, it's harder for us.

Me: Why's that?

8-year-old: We're little.

Me: Oh yeah.

NEIGHBORHOOD

6-year-old: Dad?

Me: Yes?

6-year-old: If the moon is full, can it overflow?

Me: (???)

Hell on The Hill

A month or so ago, Megan and I had dinner at an Italian restaurant on The Hill. We parked in front of this large corner lot full of beautiful green grass with a sign in its center across the street. Maybe I grew up loving one too many of Gary Larson's Far Side cartoons, but surely this is what Hell is and will be like (among other awful and unspeakable things).

So I've Been Thinking Lately...

...that the rhythm of the chain clanging against the hub of our bedroom ceiling fan is the exact rhythm of the song "Jellicle Cats" from the musical, Cats.

...that I have never understood (nor could I explain) the idea of "the whole is more than the sum of its parts" (and no, I'm not looking for anyone's particular interpretation).

...that if anyone wants a preview of an over-taxed, lousy-serviced, bureaucratic nightmare of America, look no further: it's here in Missouri (and now playing daily at the DMV).

...that I don't trust the chlorine to do its job in the community pool, but have no desire to discover what's really going on (ignorance - though potentially life-threatening - is bliss).

...that my readers might appreciate more actual content, so I'll try to work on that.

Helping Dad (or Anybody Else) Get Organized

The Levenger catalog arrived yesterday. For those (like myself) slightly affected by OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), such a collection of "tools for serious readers" can be hugely tempting. Unfortunately, for those (like myself) more than slightly affected with the other OCD (obsolete cash deposits), alas, the organizational options must be relegated to little more than inspiration. Sigh.

While I like Levenger's stuff (so much so that I even read the owner's book, The Little Guide to Your Well-Read Life, when it came out five years ago - it was okay), I don't understand why it all has to be so  expensive; even in this particular "Senational Summer Sale" catalog, their idea and my idea of a discount (even a 70% discount) were just too different to justify whipping out the credit card and placing an order.

The only thing I've ever actually purchased from Levenger are personalized notecards (which I still like, but even then, they were on sale and Megan found some sweet discount that applied as well). Still, as I've been organizing my desk, books, and files this week, as well as setting some new goals for the next 2-5 years, here are a few items that caught my eye and at least helped inspire my efforts this morning:

Carousel Revolving Bookshelf - I'd love to have about four of these scattered throughout the house. Or (better idea), put all four on top of each other stacked in a corner and have a really cool floor-to-ceiling carousel of books to pick from! Yes!

Lap Desk (with Cubby) - I like the look of this, but I especially like the little cubby/compartment that the desk surface covers (apparently, there are magnets that hold the lid down so all your stuff doesn't fly out). A good alternative to having to sit at a desk or table to hand-write something (for those of us who still do that kind of thing).

Margin Pad - Even though I don't have a desktop computer, I really like the size, look, and design of this little blotter pad. Oh, and it can be monogrammed (whatever).

Concept Pad - When I used to spend a lot more time at the same desk day in/day out, I had one of these. I'd usually make it about a week on the same piece of paper, but then reveled at the Friday re-write for the next week, leaving off everything crossed out that I had accomplished. Visual progress - loved it.

Repertoire Notebooks - I think these notebooks are pretty nifty, especially because of the varying pad sizes, black elastic bands, and golf pencils in their own loops. Also, the pad for the largest one is set up like the margin pad above, and the cover colors are nice, too.

So, there you have it: one of my rare (very rare - I don't even have a category for stuff like this) product posts. Levenger should give me a commission (or at least four Carousel Bookshelves to stack on top of each other), don't you think? Maybe these or other items will spur you on to new levels of organization, or maybe you'll find something cool for Father's Day (just remembered it's this weekend).

Anybody got any other links and/or ideas that you've found helpful in organizing your life? I could use some more inspiration (as I'm sure others could as well).

Perspective: Life Without Limbs

Check out the Life Without Limbs website as well.

Last Day

Here's what I posted on my classroom door this morning, the last day of final exams:

“Mr. Dunham, do you have our tests graded?”

“No (insert name), but thanks for stopping by to say thanks for a great year.”

“You’re welcome. When will my test be done?”

“Today is Friday; grades are due Tuesday. Sometime between now and then, I’m sure.”

“Okay. Can I see what you’ve graded so far?”

“No.”

“Can you just grade mine real quick so I know what I got?”

“No.”

“Is this another one of those rare-but-important lessons in delayed gratification that challenges my moral therapeutic deism?”

“Yep.”

“Thought so. Hey, I guess I learned something after all. Thanks for a great year, Mr. Dunham.”

"You're welcome."

School's (almost) out for summer. Paging Alice Cooper...

Out of the Mouths of...Adolescents

Here are some choice selections from the papers my New Testament freshmen are getting back tomorrow. The assignment was for students to interview a member of their church's leadership and write a 2-3 page paper explaining their fellowship's/denomination's doctrinal beliefs about things like governance, worship style, sacraments, purposes, functions, etc. (I've thrown in some comments from me just for kicks.)

"The denominational ties of our church are a key belief of our denomination and have no higher archy." [That's good. I prefer the lower kind of archy myself...]

"We participate in the Lord's Supper about every three months. We drink grape juice and not wine, and once you have been saved, you are aloud to participate in it." [So much for using the time for silent reflection...]

"Our church has a leadership structure like the federal government." [Oh, God help us...]

"Teaching, theology, evangelism, and outreach are defiantly important to the church." [Okay, okay, you made your point. Now back off, Barbie...]

"In our denomination, we believe in theology and use evangelism to share the gospel." [Oh, so that's how it works...]

"One of the things that sets apart my church from many other churches is we seek to be Christ-like." [Attention churches seeking to be otherwise, this might be part of your problem...]

"There is also a plurality of elders, which means the ruling elders and pastors each have one vote." [If they only have one vote, doesn't that mean there is a singularity of each elder?]

"My church's worship style is the substance of style." [So Word to your Father, yo...]

"Our pastor bases the sermon straight form the Bible itself and does not interpret the Bible in any way." [Which is another way of saying he reads it...]

"Our church has two types of worship: liturgical and a more open, less-structured style." [So are we to understand that the second group meets in a nest?]

"I would say the weakest part of the church in my eyes is the youth group. I have been to several different youth groups and ours is not as good as others. The main reason for this is because there are more kids at other youth groups." [Indeed, youth ministry is full of these chicken-or-egg dilemmas, which is why I'm not a youth pastor...]

"There are many reasons why my church is a PCA church; firstly, it resides in the Apostles' Creed, and secondly, it states facts in the catechism." [Anybody driven by that neighborhood and heard the building reciting the Confession?]

"According to my pastor, we believe all orthodox beliefs...and some of our own as well." [This one's possibly my favorite, especially since I know the pastor...]

"If there is something in a service that I do not like, I can just go to another service that I do like." [Moral therapeutic deism, anyone?]

"The church participates in many functions such as work programs, community services, etc. My pastor also mentioned the many asylums that care for orphans or widows." [Is "asylums" what we're calling deacons nowadays?]

"The senior pastor reports to the elders and the small pastors report to the senior pastor." [Note to graduating seminary students under 5'8": don't even mess interviewing with this one...]

"My pastor thinks that church is very important for Christians...and when asked if church was important for skeptics, he quickly agreed, saying, 'Skeptics are looking for the truth, making church a good place to find it.' He wasn't sure if church was important to God." [I'm so relieved.]

"We differ in belief from many other churches similar to ours." [Or put another way, they think the same as many other churches different from them.]

"After visiting our church for the first time, we loved the way the pastor did his sermon. He just really got the message across and did it in a way that makes you feel almost involved." [Lord, have mercy if he had actually crossed that line...]

"Our church is very big on the authority and suffering of the Bible." [I'm guessing she meant "sufficiency," but why major on minors?]

"My mom and I were church shopping and accidentally found our church." [Must have been hiding in the "discount sales" bin...]

"I appreciate how everything is kept modern. There is a live band playing like a Christian rock concert. For me, it makes it easier to worship because I can sing as loud as I want without anyone hearing me." [Because, of course, that is the point of worship...]

I've got a post brewing from both a theological and educational perspective on what I think is going on here, so stay tuned...

'Tis the Season...

...when Megan bakes cookies and leaves them around for me to pretend to ignore. It's also when we put up a tree and clutter it (and the house) with all things Christmas holiday. Ah, the sights, sounds, smells, and stuff of the season.

But I digress. Lots going on this week. Here's a rundown:

• The two-year hostage situation of St. Louis' main east/west artery has ended, as I-64/40 is open again. If all goes according to plan, I should be able to cut 10 minutes off my once-25-minute commute to/from school and seminary, which is exciting. All in all, the process wasn't that bad, but I wouldn't want to do it again anytime soon.
• I'm finishing up the fourth and fifth commandments with my Ethics students, as well as the book of Matthew with my New Testament kids this week. Finals are next week, so I've got a few tests to write and more than a few papers and assignments to grade. Glad to be two weeks away from Christmas break.
• This week is a big one in terms of finishing my seminary studies for the semester. I have an hour-long group project presentation on Monday, a paper due on Wednesday, and two finals to take by Sunday and then I'm down to my final semester at Covenant (and probably forever, unless some university wants to give me a full-ride to work on a Ph.D.). It will feel really good to finally be finished, both in a week and in five months.
• Megan and I are turning in our collective resignation letter to Nick at the Covenant bookstore, with our last day being December 30th (Nick's actually known about it for months, so it's not that big a deal). It was a good year-and-a-half at my first real retail experience, but I've got to make room to coach JV baseball in the spring, so something had to go.
• I'm planning to post my 2009 booklist in another week, so check back soon if you're still looking for readable gift ideas. I was initially disappointed in my list this year, but at second glance it's not that bad (though I definitely didn't read as much fiction as I have in the past). Look for it in another few days.
• Speaking of books as gifts, TwentySomeone wraps as well at Christmas as at graduation time (just wanted to let you know in case you're still looking for a present for a hard-to-buy-for twentysomething in your life).
• And speaking of Christmas, in addition to the obligatory family roadtrips/celebrations, we're planning to paint another room (dining) over the holidays and get some time hanging out here at home. We're also looking forward to seeing the movie Up in the Air with George Clooney, as parts were filmed in St. Louis (and some of those parts right here in our little Maplewood community).

Guess that's about it. If you're in town or passing through over the holidays, come on by - being the introverts that we are, we might not answer the door, but you'll enjoy the trip.

Move Over Mr. Moviefone

To fulfill Megan's last mission for Chevy this month, she had to put together her own one-minute commercial for the Traverse. I did my best Don Pardo/Mr. Moviefone mashup for the endeavor, and am now officially available for part-time voice-over work in the St. Louis area. Here's my resume:

Megan Dunham: Mommy Mission #4 from Megan Dunham on Vimeo.

First come, first served (I've got Pixar on the phone now).

Let's Squish Our Fruits Together

Let me just say that I'm fairly astounded by a lot of things in this - the songwriting, the singing, the acting, the quality of the recording - but none of them compare to the power and thrill of live, unedited performance. Bravo.

Daddy Madness

Mid-Week Memo

It's been a while since I've done a random links post, so since it's mid-week and I'm always looking for an excuse not to grade something, here are a few items that might strike someone's fancy:

• It's tough being married to a celebrity, as more and more people know me as "Megan's husband." This will probably continue for at least another month since I'm married to one of the six official members of the St. Louis Mom Squad. The cool part is the role comes with new wheels (temporarily, that is - click link for details).
• As it was a slow day in the bookstore yesterday, I read the first 75 pages of Donald Miller's new book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. The first couple of chapters have some great quotables about understanding life as story, and the following chapters provide humorous illustration of the ideas. I liked it.
• My wife and daughters are pretty excited that Owl City is coming to The Pageant in January. Megan is contemplating getting tickets for all of us to go as a family, which I'm presuming would probably be different from their normal crowd.
• I've always wanted my own op-ed column in a newspaper; this opportunity with the Washington Post may be my big break (of course, it requires me writing something for consideration - any suggestions?).
• In case you hadn't heard, I reluctantly started using Twitter a few weeks ago. While I'm still evaluating its real value (some general stats), I have enjoyed following/stalking a few people here and there (search for "SecondDrafts" to see whom, as well as to follow me if you like).

That's it for now. I need to finish well the day so as to get ready for the black tie/red carpet vehicle pick-up tonight with the Mrs. and Misses. Honestly, I don't mind being "the husband," but the paparazzi can be annoying.

A Few Things on Friday

I haven't done a random Friday post for a good while, so I thought I'd throw out a couple things here:

• I am way behind on email and it's driving me nuts - I'm usually a "zero inbox" kind of guy. The worst part is it's not even "good" email - somebody either wants me to know something or wants something from me. Remember the early days when we actually used email to write personal letters? Sigh.
• We're officially two weeks into school already and it feels good. I'm really enjoying the kids in each of my classes, and I think the feeling seems mutual. Still, here's the semi-depressing thought of the week (as overheard in the teacher's lounge on Monday): "We'll have three weeks of school under our belts by Labor Day weekend." Just doesn't seem right.
• Speaking of school, my final year of seminary officially begins on Monday. After earning an MA in Theology last May, I'm trying to finish up my MA in Educational Ministries in 2010. Classes this semester: Educational Leadership (Mondays) and God's World Mission (online). Next semester is the Capstone class, which serves to summarize and systematize everything we've learned on the education track.
• I'm going to be one of two "co-coaches" for Westminster's JV baseball team next spring. Pretty stoked about that. Pitchers and catchers (and everyone else) report March 1.
• Haven't had too many offers (or really much sympathy in general) in response to my previous post on the book status, so I'll suck it up and stop talking about it here (for those trying to make a point, I got it).
• I've lost ten pounds in the past two weeks, due largely to a change in diet and a slight increase in activity. Been eating a lot of cottage cheese and nuts while avoiding bread and carbs like the plague. Also laying off anything that would cause my body to produce sugar (read about the South Beach Diet for more).
• Glad for the weekend and the beautiful weather coming our way. This has definitely been the mildest summer in the MIdwest that I can remember, though I'm guessing we'll get a hot day or two in September just to keep us honest.

Hope everyone has a nice, productive yet restful weekend.

It's August (and the Show Must Go On)

Here's a shot of our newly-formed Half Pint House Theatre and their production of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. As a way of tapping into the girls' dramatic tendencies (no shortage there), I had the idea to throw together this little stage at one end of our attic (which also gave me a good reason to clean it out). In addition to Goldilocks, the ladies have performed a smashing interpretation of Little Red Riding Hood, and are currently working on a script of their own (the show, after all, must always go on).

Indeed, it must in real life as well. And, as it is now August, I feel compelled to "go on with the show" here after my blogging sabbatical, writing more frequently and giving whatever friends I have left in the blogosphere something other than a monthly update of inconsequential nonsense (my goal is more consequential nonsense).

That said, here are some reports/reflections to grease the skids and get the ball rolling:

Family. In case you didn't hear, we survived our Florida trip; in fact, rumor has it that we've broken our vacation curse (until we take another one, that is). In addition to engaging with the power and beauty of the ocean at Ormond Beach, seeing all those with whom we stayed along the way was definitely a highlight of the trip (at least for us). Somehow, the 36 hours in the van were even tolerable, as the girls read, sang, fought, made up, laughed, and saw more of the southeast than they probably thought even existed (we don't allow videos or computers in the van, so they had no choice). Good times, good times.

Writing. Little has happened on the publisher front for ThirtySomewhere, but we are scheduled to hear back from WaterBrook in the next week with an official "yea" or "nay" as to whether they want to publish our second book. Unfortunately, any progress on the manuscript has run in tandem with the publishers' interest (or lack thereof - one said his editorial board felt the thirties could be summed up in a magazine article, not a book!?), so not much to report here but disappointment.

Bookstore. On average, I spent a day or two a week working in Covenant Seminary's bookstore, where I've worked part-time for the past year. It's fun to think back to when I first started a year ago and laugh - I was so clueless on the retail end of things. Though I wouldn't say I love selling stuff any more than I do now, I definitely feel more comfortable dealing with it. I'll be working roughly the same shift this fall - three afternoons a week from 4-6, with the occasional Saturday thrown in - and am glad for the work.

Seminary. After completing my MA in Theology this past May at Covenant, I only have two more education classes to take to earn my MA in Educational Ministries in May 2010. Megan is also finishing up her graduate certificate this year by taking the last four of her 30 hours), so we're hoping to walk across the stage together at graduation next year (we have 9 months to figure out childcare).

Church. We're formally being interviewed this Sunday for membership at Crossroads Prebysterian Church here in Maplewood. We've been attending Crossroads since January. One of our goals as members of Christ's Body is to be as local as possible in our involvement, and Crossroads fits the bill - it takes about 10 minutes to walk around the corner and up the street (now if we can only leave early enough on Sunday mornings so we don't have to drive because we'll be late otherwise).

Neighborhood. Speaking of Maplewood, we're still really enjoying what I call "blue-collar bohemia," and look forward to a formally planned night out with many of our neighbors this month. It's also fun living so close to "Baseball Heaven" (i.e. Busch Stadium), especially with the Cardinals newly rejuvenated and ready to make a post-season run. Go Redbirds!

Westminster. Today begins in earnest my hands-on work for the curriculum planning I did earlier in July. I have much thinking to do, many notes to condense, and plenty of multi-media to find/create. I'm teaching the same classes (New Testament Survey with freshmen, Biblical Ethics with sophomores) as the past two years, but I have very few returning students I know and a schedule I'm not all that excited about (out of seven periods, my prep periods are 2 and 3!?). Still, I'm looking forward to school.

That's about it for now. Personally, I have several things I've been thinking about this summer that I'll save for another post or two. Until then, let this serve as notice that I'm back on the blogging horse. Yee-haw.

Oh, and with regard to it being this time of year, I'll leave you with some perspective from Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, as quoted in Newsweek:

"I'm not afraid of August. It's a month."

Indeed it is, Nancy. Indeed it is.

Squirrel Nam

It was dark...so dark. You could hear the squirrels chattering in the trees, calling to one another and plotting...always plotting. The bugs - the awful, biting bugs - were everywhere, as was the humidity and heat - baking us and causing sweat to roll off our noses like rain off a roof.

We were trying to protect the plants - not so much their leaves, but their fruit - from the four-legged Communist predators. We'd naively tried goodwill; we'd desperately tried negotiation. Now we were left with no choice - no choice, that is, except to build the DMZ (Dunham Menu Zone) as a frontier and boundary between our two competing powers and passions to stay alive.

This is our life now - forced to deal with metal and mesh in order to desperately cling to our hope for home-grown veggies. This is our struggle - to withstand the guerrilla attacks of various varmints in an effort to lower our food budget.

This is our conflict. This is Squirrel Nam.

Melonhead, Aisle 12

Last night, Megan sent me to our local Shop 'n Save Spend to pick up a few basic staples to hold us over until she can do it for real on Friday. I had maybe 7-8 items on my list, all of which took me 45 minutes to find.

Can someone please explain to me the philosophy of grocery store organization? I get why the milk is always in the back and why the cat litter's not in the produce aisle, but I'm not sure anything else made sense.

Saturday Smatterings

A few things:

• It's 70 degrees today. I'm thinking about getting the bike out and going for a ride. My kids think spring is here already, and I don't have the heart to tell them that the Midwest enjoys playing games with one's weather expectations. They'll find out soon enough, I suppose.
• Our younger daughters had a birthday party to attend at the seminary's log cabin this morning, so I volunteered to bring them so I could spend an hour-and-a-half studying at the library. Of all the things I miss most about being a full-time student, studying daily at the library has to be at the top of the list.
• Several of my ethics students are coming over for our Sabbath dinner tonight, and I'm really looking forward to hanging out with them. I love everything about these high schoolers - their good-natured senses of humor; the way they get so easily embarrassed; their zeal in engaging with and trying to figure out life. I'm blessed to call them friends as well as students.
• Speaking of ethics, as this past week was Spirit Week (may it rest in peace), I treated my kids to a week-long viewing of Pope John Paul II. The film - 180 minutes long - is a really well-done treatment of the former Pope's life, his heart for young people, and his commitment to biblical ethics on a variety of fronts. My students really liked it, and if you've not seen it, it's worth watching.
• I lost five whole pounds last week, almost exclusively from changing my diet (i.e. no exercise). I'm avoiding carbs and eating a lot more fruit and fiber, which all seems to be working. On Thursday, we went out to Red Robin for a birthday dinner and I ordered a burger wrapped in nothing more than lettuce (yes, I'm that serious). Encouraged, but I still have twenty-five pounds I'd like to drop.

Have a nice weekend, everybody.

My Cynicism (Sadly) Knows No Bounds

It snowed this morning - the first we've had in 2009 - with big flakes and lots of them. By noon, however, the snow stopped, the roads were cleared, and the grass - lightly covered with a nice whiteness that unifies the city landscape - will likely be greener tomorrow. And that's too bad.

It's been a long time since I've watched it snow without holding my breath wondering if it was going to continue. Colorado was great for the occasional snow that was a sure thing, but I even remember times as a kid growing up in Illinois when it started snowing and I never doubted it would continue.

Now, when it starts snowing, the question in my mind is one of how little - not how much - we'll get. Have I somehow become cynical about snowfall in addition to everything else? That's sad.

Obamiconned

 

With the inauguration just a few days away, I thought I'd try to get in the spirit of all things Presidential. The picture is courtesy of Paste Magazine's Obamiconme; the slogan is all Megan's (I think she meant it as a compliment, but I've been wrong before).

Noteworthy

I'm easing into the idea of the holiday break coming to an end, though "struggling as if in a straitjacket" might be a more accurate description. Here are a few noteworthy items at the start of the week:

• My 96-year-old grandfather, Raymond, passed away on Saturday, which is sad, but I'm actually looking forward to honoring him and his life at the visitation and funeral on Thursday and Friday. Death is never easy to take, but it's a lot easier when someone knows the Lord and lives a very long life accordingly.
• School starts back this week, which is usually awkward for all involved: students are glad to see their friends, but not so glad to see them in classes; teachers are glad to see their students, but not so glad to teach in the midst of the constant classmate reunions. Nevertheless, we press on.
• Who knew I could like G.K. Chesterton even more than I did? After reading (and loving) Orthodoxy a few years ago, this past weekend I read The Man Who Was Thursday, and marveled (again) at the man's intellectual genius.
• The weather has been bizarre this year, certainly in the Pacific Northwest, but also here in the Midwest. We've seen next to nothing in terms of snowfall, as the temperatures have been above freezing for most of December. Come on, winter, show us what you got.
• After making the acquaintance of three of them this past week, I can honestly say that I've never met an Australian I didn't like. Same goes for Canadians. Not sure what that means (or why I'm thinking about it here), but hats off to our friends down under and way up north there, eh? 
• I've made good progress in bonding with the cats, especially the shy one - Lucy - who becomes absolutely unafraid (and uninhibited - we're talking dancing-on-tables freedom here) in the presence of catnip. Strangest thing I've seen in a while.

Guess that's it for now. Have a good start to the week, everyone, and leave a comment with your own update if you like (over the break, it's felt like someone turned off the Internet around here).

Live from the Interim

The time between Christmas and New Year's has always been a favorite of mine, as there's usually less reason to leave the house than normal days (I'm a homebody by nature; my problem is I'm just not left home alone that much - psychiatrist's orders).

The past couple days have been a hodgepodge of doing stuff I've either had to or have been meaning to do for some time. Here are the contents of each category:

Had to

• Reload/update software on a new hard drive for my four-year-old iBook G4 after the old hard drive crashed (thankfully, I had everything backed up, which wasn't the case when Megan's crashed a couple of months ago)
• Replace iGTD with the soon-to-be-released Things (I like it a lot better)
• Renew $60 worth of URL domains for sites I hold for various and sundry purposes (not all of which are particularly clear at this moment in time)
• Finish assembling my study from our move six months ago (it's about time)
• Get used to being the owner of three cats (my gift to my four very happy girls; meet Ricky, Lucy, and Ethel)
• Work the bookstore (2009 marks John Calvin's 500th birthday, so we're gearing up; inventory this week)
• Restore our family filing system to some semblance of order (I hate the pressure of keeping track - physically or digitally - of legally binding documents for at least seven years)

Been meaning to

• Redesign our blogs (look for the re-launch around New Year's; big improvements)
• Finish Confessions by Augustine (I like the book a lot, but I'd rather read it when it's quiet, which isn't often around here)
• Read The Shack by William Young (yes, I gave in because so many people asked me what I thought; film at eleven)
• Catch up on Lost (season four is so much better than season three); also enjoying the second season of Dexter
• Write some thank you notes (much to be thankful for; it's also good for my attitude/heart)

More as I have it. I'm too busy enjoying the time off right now.

Death by Crustifiction

Grading New Testament exams tonight, I came to the page where I ask students to outline the gospel of Matthew. I had no idea that, in chapter 28, Jesus was "crustified."

(My nine-year-old's words: "Sounds like something they do at Subway.")

Every Party Needs a Pooper (and I'm Volunteering)

The western half of the 64/40 reconstruction opens this morning (work on the eastern half begins today). Maybe I'm just bitter all the forecasted ice and snow is nowhere to be found and I have to go to school for "review day," but yesterday's closed-highway party easily makes the "things I'll never understand" list in 2008. And I quote:

"The novelty of walking, riding or say getting one's picture taken on an empty interstate seemed to be the most common reason to attend Sunday's shindig. Sharon Brahan of Rock Hill took a stroll from McKnight Road down to Brentwood for breakfast this morning because, 'How often do you get to do something like this?'"

How often indeed? But regardless of the answer, who cares?

"'I wanted to be able to show a picture to my grandchildren of us,' said Debbie Bunten, who came out with a friend from her house in Chesterfield. 'I don't have them (grandchildren) yet, but years from now when they're on the highway and it's packed with cars, they'll think it's crazy.'"

No, actually, ma'am, they'll think you're crazy for making a big deal of it.

"Crazy is what Joe Wiss' kids called him for wanting to walk the interstate. The 73-year-old retired trucker enthusiastically hauled his wife and friends from the Dogtown neighborhood to join him for a constitutional. 'This is the first and the only time we'll get to do this,' Wiss said."

Let's hope so. Odds are if you tried it now that it's a functioning highway again, you would likely be killed.

"'It seems weird just standing here in the middle of the highway talking,' said Wiss' buddy Rick Brine, a retired construction worker."

Sir, that's because it is.

Forgive my party-pooper attitude, St. Louis, but it's been a long year of alternate routes. If you're out and about on 64/40 this morning, I hope you're in an automobile. If not, I'll be the one thinking sarcastic thoughts in your general direction as I drive by.

Man, I needed a snow day today.

If at First You Don't Succeed, Rock, Rock Again!

Got to get this (or its non-expletive version) into the epilogue of ThirtySomewhere. Consider these gems:

"Once I hit 40, man, there's going to be no stopping me. Soon as the big birthday rolls around, I'm planning on starting that novel, opening my long-dreamed-of record store, and finally breaking into the experimental underground film scene. By the time I'm 43, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm the hippest person I know."

"As long as I stay focused on my original goal, established at age 12, of having a rocking life, the sky's the limit. Sure, I haven't managed to achieve anything so far. Fair enough. But the way I figure it, I can either let myself get depressed about that fact like I did when I turned 18, 21, 25, 30, 35, and 39, or I can choose to look at this as an opportunity. An opportunity to rock!"

"Facing a birthday like this one (fortieth) puts things in perspective. You reassess what's truly important and you start to ask yourself the big questions: Like, will I ever really be able to pull off the leather pants look? What's it going to be like once I'm finally one of the 'cool kids'? Do I really have it in me to someday achieve the confidence, self-esteem, and sex appeal necessary to be the wicked party monster I've always known, deep down, I could be?"

If it all just weren't so true...

Cheap(er)

This morning on my way to school, I filled up our Oldmobile Delta '88 land yacht with 15 gallons of unleaded gas. The total price? $27, which works out to about $1.75 a gallon - the lowest I've seen in St. Louis all fall.

Let me use my "I remember when voice" for just a second: I remember when gas was consistently $1.19 in Colorado for most of the 90's; in the 80's (even with Illinois' high gas tax), I remember filling up with gas that was $.89 a gallon. Glory days.

By those standards, $1.75 is high, but it's amazing how a summer of $3-almost $4 gasoline makes it seem low. Yes, I know that even at the latter price our gasoline is less expensive than gas in most of Europe, but the downward trend of of late is welcome news to my ears (not to mention to our gas budget).

Anybody else rejoicing? What's the lowest you've seen gas going for these days (and what was the highest you paid for it last summer)?

Oxymoron of the Month

Over lunch today, I was flipping through the September 2008 issue of National Geographic when I came across the Explorers-in-Residence Program. Hmmm.

No Excuses

I have no excuses for my lack of content the past week, so I'll offer the same explanation one of my students gave this morning concerning a paper due today:

"I didn't procrastinate until last night."

There you have it. Keep reading: one day I'll write something.

Things I Get/Don't Get

• The buzz over Batman, I get./The buzz over Mamma Mia, I don't get.
• That I'm getting older and feeling it more, I get./That I've felt "barely able to walk" bad at 37, I don't get.
• The Cardinals hoping to get Chris Carpenter back, I get./The Cardinals hoping (still) to get Mark Mulder back, I don't get.
• That temperatures in July in the Midwest hit 98 degrees, I get./That people still talk about it and complain, I don't get.
• That school starts in less than a month, I get./That school starts in less than a month, I don't get.

Taking a Break from Boxes Linkage

It's been a long while since I've posted some linkage, so in light of it being Friday, here you go:

• We're still in need of about $1,000 for our home closing (in four days), so if you've yet to take advantage of our $10 Gets You 15 Songs deal, now is the time.


• In case you're wondering, Megan thinks she's losing it (but she's really doing okay).


• My friend, Jeff Morrison, sent me a link to the Breathe 2008 conference he's leading at Glen Eyrie next month. Between Jeff's heart and abilities in worship and the beauty of the place, this will be a good conference for all involved.


• Looking for a new bike? Consider (or don't) the vicious cycle. (hat tip: Coudal)


• Two weeks from today: The X-Files: I Want to Believe. Bring it.


• Interesting piece in Slate about the challenges public schools have to overcome to hire and keep good teachers.


• The folks at Mental Floss have some pretty clever T-shirts for sale. My favorites: Apathy, English Major, Entropy, Beethoven, and Hyperbole.

We're off to take a black lab named Bruce to his new home on the farm. Have a good weekend.

In the Air Tonight

Brian Rutland, my first drummer (no, he didn't die the death of a Spinal Tap drummer) is now a pastor in Littleton, CO, and sent me this clip. We used to "cover" Phil Collins's "In the Air Tonight" using lyrics I rewrote from more of an eschatological perspective ("I can feel Him coming in the air tonight" - yeah, it sounds hokey, but it so worked live). The kids (and Brian) would go nuts when he came in with the big drums, and guitarist Dan Madison and I rocked out with him for minutes on end. I laughed long and hard at this one.

Linky, Linky

It's usually feast or famine for me with links; today, I happen to be eating well. Here are some particularly inspiring links that I hope fill your creative cup and stick to your spiritual ribs:

• If you're not doing anything this weekend, think about checking out the Unversity of St. Louis' StoryTelling Festival (we're taking the whole fam Saturday night). My friend, Ken Wolfe, is one of seven featured storytellers, and he alone is worth the price of admission (free - no reflection on Ken). For a preview of Ken telling lies stories, take a short listen to this clip aired on our local public radio station, KWMU.


• In this week's Newsweek, there's a wonderful little interview with Anglican theologian N.T. Wright about the resurrection actually being (gasp) real. Wright may not be doctrinally conservative enough for some American evangelicals, but when you consider the theological pool he swims in in England, he's plenty orthodox for me, especially in this piece.


• Ever wonder what godly writers do on a daily basis? This week's WORLD has a nice article on pastor/author Eugene Peterson, his writing, and his routines.


• I'd never read The Constructive Curmudgeon before, but his post, Screwtape Writes Again: The Luciferian Laptop, hit a little too close to home. Ouch. (hat tip: Challies)


• I am really, really pumped about the upcoming ESV Study Bible, due out this fall. If you're a scholar wannabe like me, check out this stellar list of contributors (several of whom are Covenant profs, among others) to the project. Whoa.


• Remember the mix tape? Megan and I put several together before we were married (and before CD-writing technology made it legally sticky to digitally reproduce music). The good news is there's a way to share music the old-fashioned way (kind of) that won't get you thrown in prison. It's called MuxTape. (hat tip: Trevor)

Have a great weekend.

Just as I Suspected

Cheerleading try-outs are this week and it's taking a toll of dramatic proportions. Here's proof, as related to me by a female student who is (and will be next year) a cheerleader:

Cheerleading - it will mess with your head if you do it too long.

Just as I suspected, but now I finally have actual insider evidence.

Five Things of Late

1. I can't remember where I read it, but I've been thinking a lot about the idea that, with the proliferation of so many news/infotainment sites, headlines tend to be more and more alarmist in nature so as to capture (and re-capture) readership. No wonder the world feels like it's falling apart at such a frightening rate as of late.

2. Though I'll always be a baseball fan first, soccer is starting to grow on me. I've been watching Westminster's girls varsity soccer games the past couple of weeks with my 6- and 4-year-olds and the constant action has been fun for them and for me. It also helps that we've been winning.

3. The month of May is filling fast with end-of-the-school-year events, seminary graduation parties, ballet and choir recitals for the girls, and other various and sundry challenges to finishing my remaining assignments for my own classes. I've blocked the next three Saturdays in hopes of wrapping up, but it's going to be close.

4. Teaching the Eighth Commandment and pleading with my sophomores and juniors to apply God's Word to their (illegal) music downloading/sharing practices may just get me killed. To their credit, some students are really wrestling with the issue now, even publicly asking for prayer at the end of class for the desire to change their ways. Hard but encouraging.

5. It seems like I'm reading a lot but not finishing much at all. I'd list the half-read titles here, but they'll be the same in another month, so I'll spare you the details. One thing's for sure: I'm going on a fiction binge at the end of May.

Top Three Jobs I Wouldn't Want Today

In light of the news, this short list of not-so-great jobs came to mind. I'm glad I'm not

1. an Olympic torchbearer in San Francisco


2. a debate coach for General Petraeus


3. a desk attendant for American Airlines

Others?

Linklings

As it's Friday, here are some links for the weekend (my treat):

• I can't decide if I like the new direction of the James Bond franchise or not; looks like the next one is again going to be more emotionally realistic, which is my problem (I like my spies untouchable, thank you)


• This article about offices and the creativity zone explains why I never liked or worked well in veal-fattening pens


• My friend and co-author, Doug Serven, has a nice piece about our culture's preoccupation with "awareness" on Common Grounds


• You may have seen this floating around, but Doug Wilson has some interesting thoughts on The Office


• Gee, Redbirds, have you ever wondered if maybe it's the prices?

It's supposed to be nice (sunny and 65) in St. Louie this weekend, so we hope to get outside some. Other plans: watch the Final Four, listen to the Cards games, write two tests, take a mid-term, sing at church, and most importantly, worship and rest. Enjoy.

On Nostalgia

"Nostalgia undermines the ability to make intelligent use of the past. Memory, in contrast, does not idealize the past to condemn the present, but draws hope from the past in order to enrich the present and guide the future." Christopher Lasch

"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be." Peter De Vries

Overcast Links

A few links on an overcast, rainy day (our third in a row, which I'm loving):

• Megan is finishing up her music discussion week (one more song tomorrow), so check out the lyrics and leave a comment; everybody's doing it


• At least somebody at the New York Times gets it regarding Eliot Spitzer (and men in general - "bromance" anyone?):

"Every society produces its own distinct brand of social misfits, I suppose, but our social structure seems to produce significant numbers of people with rank-link imbalances. That is to say, they have all of the social skills required to improve their social rank, but none of the social skills that lead to genuine bonding."

• The alpha version of the Logos Bible software for Mac is finally available; a friend had given me a complete license for the PC platform when I started seminary, but Logos is (thankfully) allowing free switchovers


• Buy Blue-Weathered Dreams from my friend Caleb Travers and his band Big City Lights (think Eddie Vedder sings Tom Petty in an alt country kind of way); favorite song: "Brokedown Palaces"


• I always think of Genesis 11 when I read stuff like this. How high do we go?

The Truth Is Out There

In the comments on my last post, the discussion took a turn and ended up on The X-Files and the upcoming second movie, due out July 25th. I'm geared up for the flick, though I have no idea why they're apparently letting go of the government conspiracy arc and dealing only with the paranormal; still, as long as Mulder and Scully are back, count me in (we own every season on DVD, and watched one episode a night last year to reconnect with our TV counterparts).

Back in the glory days of The X-Files, I had an idea for an episode in which Mulder and Scully were chosen to participate in and test the ultimate Witness Protection Program. The gimmick? Those in the program were unaware of their involvement in it, thanks to a combination of drugs, relocation, and cover-up. It could have been a cool idea, but later that same season, there was an episode in which Mulder and Scully went undercover as a married couple, so my screenplay would have seemed redundant after that.

Still, for your enjoyment, here's the intro to my episode; let me know what you think. (Note to X-Files creator, Chris Carter: Have your people call my people; I'm in the book.)

(Fade up. Mulder, gun in hand, is slowly making his way through a dark, foggy factory strangely reminiscent of those seen in previous episodes. As he rounds a corner, he sees a door with a bright light coming from underneath it.)

(Making his way to the door, he opens it to find he is standing at the end of a long aisle in a well-lit church with people looking back at him from all sides. Soft organ music is playing in the background. As he considers the scene, a little girl waves to him from the last pew and he raises his left hand sheepishly to wave back. In doing so, he notices the gold ring on his left hand, and is dumbfounded.)

(The music continues and all the attendants and congregants are looking away from him, sharing his stare at the dark back door of the church. Nervous and a little uncomfortable, he continues to look around, again catching the eye of the same little girl in the pew who smiles and waves again. He again waves back, unsure of what he’s doing here or who this girl is.)

(Suddenly, the door at the end of the aisle opens, and whispers of excitement travel through the crowd. There in the doorway in proper tuxedo attire is the Cigarette-Smoking Man serving as the father of the bride, Scully, all aglow with the glory of the day.)

(Mulder, visibly shaken, scans the room trying to figure out what is going on. While doing this, he becomes distracted by a stuck key steadily pulsing from the organ. Mulder turns back to the crowd, now wearing all black and looking directly at him with dull expressions, except for the one little girl in back waving at Mulder. As he looks up the aisle, he sees Scully and the Cigarette-Smoking Man are nowhere to be found, and the heavy, dark door begins to close.)

(Mulder, frightened that Scully’s gone, begins running toward the back door. As he does so, the pulse of the broken organ grows louder and louder, and the crowd of black-clothed people converge on the aisle zombie-like, preventing him from making his way to the back. Finally, the pulse of the organ is so unbearable in his ears...)

(Mulder wakes up in a warm, decorated, sunlit bedroom, realizing that the pulse of the organ was really his alarm clock going off. He fumbles to turn off the alarm, sits up straight, and takes a deep breath, glad to be out of the dream. Understanding what just happened (ie. that he was dreaming), he shakes his head and begins to get out of bed.)

(Just before he walks off to take a cold shower and begin the day, he sentimentally turns back and kneels on the bed with one knee to bend over and plant a quick kiss on the cheek of his still-sleeping bed partner, Scully, who responds to his affection with a half-asleep sigh. Mulder smiles as he walks past a framed (and dated) picture of their wedding day, flips the light in the bathroom, and turns on the shower while the camera zooms in on the picture of the newly wedded couple, then fades to black.)

THEME SONG & OPENING CREDITS
TAG LINE: "THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE"

Caption Contest Winners

For those following the caption contest and waiting with bated breath for the results, Megan has made her final evaluative decisions. Her rankings and rationale:

#5 "I feel like life is changing, and it all depends on this little box." (Maddie) - okay, so I'm a little biased, but this was pretty good for a nine-year-old

#4 “no, i swear i had a righteous, flowing mullet at least this long…” (Tom) - this amused me because I thought Tom would look pretty cool with one and giggled at the idea

#3 “… and that’s when I stole Rob Bell’s glasses.” (Travis) - this made me laugh out loud because Craig could care less about stealing style from anybody

#2 "Now, these…are spirit fingers! (Tim) - this was just hilarious because I wonder (and worry) sometimes about Craig's tendency to watch TBN just for fun

#1 "My respect for your opinion would fit in this box." (Skinner) - this was the winner because of its ironic truth; even though it's so far from what Craig wants, we all know he has his moments

Thanks to Megan for judging the contest, as well as to everyone who participated. And, congratulations to our top five finishers for making fun of me. Truly, you have a gift.

Caption Contest

The picture below was recently published in Westminster's 2008-2009 course selection handbook for parents and students. As a result, I've been getting grief ("You look like you're doing a magic trick," "Vanna White has competition," etc.) ever since, mostly from colleagues, family, and others who claim they care for and love me.

Because I'd hate for them to have all the fun, here's my gift of cheap entertainment to you: a caption contest. The rules:

1. Enter your best caption (you may enter as many times as you like).


2. Be nice (or at least not crude).


3. Contest ends Friday (or until my feelings get hurt).


4. Winning entry will be determined by my wife (which disqualifies her caption of choice: "Do the Hustle").


5. No prizes will be awarded (other than that of your own fun at my expense).

Last qualification: If this post seems overly self-serving or narcissistic, please accept my apologies. However, rather than go away mad, why not take your anger out by leaving a scathing (yet creative) caption? Just think of it as cheap therapy.

But enough about me; what do you think about me? Here's the pic - happy captioning: